Reference: The Happiness Rundown
5. HONOR AND HELP YOUR PARENTS
From a child’s point of view, parents are sometimes hard to understand. There are differences between generations. But truthfully, this is no barrier. When one is weak, it is a temptation to take refuge in subterfuges and lies: it is this which builds the wall.
Children can reconcile their differences with their parents. Before any shouting begins, one can at least try to talk it over quietly. If the child is frank and honest, there cannot help but be an appeal that will reach. It is often possible to attain a compromise where both sides now understand and can agree. It is not always easy to get along with others but one should try.
One cannot overlook the fact that almost always, parents are acting from a very strong desire to do what they believe to be best for the child.
Children are indebted to their parents for their upbringing—if the parents did so. While some parents are so fiercely independent that they will accept no return on the obligation, it is nevertheless true that there often comes a time when it is the turn of the younger generation to care for their parents.
In spite of all, one must remember that they are the only parents one has. And as such, no matter what, one should honor them and help them.
The way to happiness includes being on good terms with one’s parents or those who brought one up.
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Exercise
0. Make sure you have completed the exercise section at Happiness: Precept 4. Study the precept above.
1. Check the responses to the following questions for false data (see false data steps at Happiness: Prologue).
(a) “Have you been told or taught not to honor and help your parents?”
(b) “Do you have any rules or ideas contrary to honoring and helping your parents?”
(c) “Have you been led to believe that you shouldn’t honor and help your parents?”
(d) “Do you know of anything that conflicts with honoring and helping your parents?”
(e) “Do you have any false data about honoring and helping your parents?”
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2. Go over each of the following questions repetitively, until there are no more answers:
(a) “How have others transgressed against the precept: ‘Honor and help your parents’?”
(b) “How have you transgressed against the precept: ‘Honor and help your parents’?”
Do a quick review to see if you did not miss any answers on this step. You should be feeling good about this step.
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3. See if the following question definitely brings up some name you know of:
“Is there any specific person in your past who really transgressed against the precept: ‘Honor and help your parents’?”
If no name comes up then go to step 4. if a name has come up, then continue with step 3 as follows:
“Can you recall an exact moment when you observed ___(name)___ transgressing this precept?”
If there is a realization, go to step 4. Otherwise, continue contemplating as follows, until there is some realization.
“Is there any time when you wanted to be like ___(name)___ ?”
“Is there any time when you decided that not honoring and helping your parents was a good thing?”
“Did you ever do anything bad to ___(name)___ ? (Get all possible answers)
“Are there any differences between ___(name)___ and yourself?”
“Are there any similarities between ___(name)___ and yourself?”
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4. Handle any anomalies that come up on the following question by looking at the anomaly more closely.
”Do you have any reservations about honoring and helping your parents?”
If the anomaly does not resolve then review the precept as well as all the exercise steps above to see if anything was missed. Then do step 4 again. When there is no anomaly go to step 5.
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5. Contemplate on the following question.
“Do you have any reservations about getting someone else to honor and help their parents?”
If any reservation comes up, then consider the following:
“How would that be a problem?”
Get answers to this question until there are no reservations.
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