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Reference: The Happiness Rundown

EPILOGUE

Happiness lies in engaging in worthwhile activities. But there is only one person who for certain can tell what will make one happy—oneself. 

The precepts given in this book are really the edges of the road: violating them, one is like the motorist who plunges onto the verge—the result can be wreckage of the moment, the relationship, a life. 

Only you can say where the road goes for one sets his goals for the hour, for the relationship, for the phase of life. 

One can feel at times like a spinning leaf blown along a dirty street, one can feel like a grain of sand stuck in one place. But nobody has said that life was a calm and orderly thing; it isn’t. One isn’t a tattered leaf nor a grain of sand: one can, to a greater or lesser degree, draw his road map and follow it. 

One can feel that things are such now that it is much too late to do anything, that one’s past road is so messed up that there is no chance of drawing a future road that will be any different: there is always a point on the road when one can map a new one. And try to follow it. There is no person alive who cannot make a new beginning. 

It can be said without the slightest fear of contradiction that others may mock one and seek by various means to push one onto the verge, to tempt one in various ways to lead an immoral life: all such persons do so to accomplish private ends of their own and one will wind up, if one heeds them, in tragedy and sorrow. 

Of course one will have occasional losses trying to apply this book and get it applied. One should just learn from these and carry on. Who said the road doesn’t have bumps? It can still be traveled. So people can fall down: it doesn’t mean they can’t get up again and keep going. 

If one keeps the edges on the road, one can’t go far wrong. True excitement, happiness and joy come from other things, not from broken lives. 

If you can get others to follow the road, you yourself will be free enough to give yourself a chance to discover what real happiness is. 

The way to happiness is a high-speed road to those who know where the edges are. 

You’re the driver. Fare well.

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Exercise

0. Make sure you have completed the exercise section at Happiness: Precept 21. Study the precept above.

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1. Contemplate on the following questions and resolve any anomalies that come up by looking at them very closely. 

“Is there anything in the Epilogue that you disagree with?”

“Do you anticipate any difficulty in applying what you read in the epilogue?”

“Do you have any reservations about applying any of the material covered during the Happiness Rundown?”

“Do you have any reservations about getting another or others to apply the material covered during the Happiness Rundown?”

“How do your life and future seem to you now, compared with how they were before the Happiness Rundown?”

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Reference: The Happiness Rundown

20. TRY TO TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD WANT THEM TO TREAT YOU

This is a positive version of “The Golden Rule.” 

Don’t be surprised if someone seems to resent being told to “be good.” But the resentment may not come at all at the idea of “being good.” It may be because the person factually has a misunderstanding of what it means. 

One can get into a lot of conflicting opinions and confusions about what “good behavior” might be. One might never have grasped—even if the teacher did—why he or she was given the grade received for “conduct.” One might even have been given or assumed false data concerning it: “Children should be seen and not heard,” “Being good means being inactive.” 

However, there is a way to clear it all up to one’s complete satisfaction. 

In all times and in most places, mankind has looked up to and revered certain values. They are called the virtues. They have been attributed to wise men, holy men, saints and gods. They have made the difference between a barbarian and a cultured person, the difference between chaos and a decent society.

It doesn’t absolutely require a heavenly mandate nor a tedious search through the thick tomes of the philosophers to discover what “good” is. A self-revelation can occur on the subject. 

It can be worked out by almost any person. 

If one were to think over how he or she would like to be treated by others, one would evolve the human virtues. Just figure out how you would want people to treat you. 

You would possibly, first of all, want to be treated justly: you wouldn’t want people lying about you or falsely or harshly condemning you. Right? 

You would probably want your friends and companions to be loyal: you would not want them to betray you. 

You could want to be treated with good sportsmanship, not hoodwinked nor tricked. 

You would want people to be fair in their dealings with you. 

You would want them to be honest with you and not cheat you. Correct? 

You might want to be treated kindly and without cruelty. 

You would possibly want people to be considerate of your rights and feelings. 

When you were down, you might like others to be compassionate. 

Instead of blasting you, you would probably want others to exhibit self-control. Right?

If you had any defects or shortcomings, if you made a mistake, you might want people to be tolerant, not critical. 

Rather than concentrating on censure and punishment, you would prefer people were forgiving. Correct? 

You might want people to be benevolent toward you, not mean nor stingy. 

Your possible desire would be for others to believe in you, not doubt you at every hand. 

You would probably prefer to be given respect, not insulted. 

Possibly you would want others to be polite to you and also treat you with dignity. Right? 

You might like people to admire you. 

When you did something for them you would possibly like people to appreciate you. Correct? 

You would probably like others to be friendly toward you. 

From some you might want love. 

And above all, you wouldn’t want these people just pretending these things, you would want them to be quite real in their attitudes and to be acting with integrity. 

You could probably think of others. And there are the precepts contained in this book. And you would have worked out the summary of what are called the virtues. 

It requires no great stretch of imagination for one to recognize that if he were to be treated that way regularly by others around him, his life would exist on a pleasant level. And it is doubtful if one would build up much animosity toward those who treated him in this fashion. 

There is an interesting phenomenon at work in human relations. When one person yells at another, the other has an impulse to yell back. One is treated pretty much the way he treats others: one actually sets an example of how he should be treated. A is mean to B so B is mean to A. A is friendly to B so B is friendly to A. I am sure you have seen this at work continually. George hates all women so women tend to hate George. Carlos acts tough to everyone so others tend to act tough toward Carlos—and if they don’t dare out in the open, they privately may nurse a hidden impulse to act very tough indeed toward Carlos if they were ever to get a chance. 

In the unreal world of fiction and the motion pictures, one sees polite villains with unbelievably efficient gangs and lone heroes who are outright boors. Life really isn’t like that: real villains are usually pretty crude people and their henchmen cruder; Napoleon and Hitler were betrayed right and left by their own people. Real heroes are the quietest-talking fellows you ever met and they are very polite to their friends. 

When one is lucky enough to get to meet and talk to the men and women who are at the top of their professions, one is struck by an observation often made that they are just about the nicest people you ever met. That is one of the reasons they are at the top: they try, most of them, to treat others well. And those around them respond and tend to treat them well and even forgive their few shortcomings. 

All right, one can work out for himself the human virtues just by recognizing how he himself would like to be treated. And from that, I think you will agree, one has settled any confusions as to what “good conduct” really is. It’s a far cry from being inactive, sitting still with your hands in your lap and saying nothing. “Being good” can be a very active and powerful activity. 

There is little joy to be found in gloomy, restrained solemnity. When some of old made it seem that to practice virtue required a grim and dismal sort of life, they tended to infer that all pleasure came from being wicked: nothing could be further from the facts. Joy and pleasure do not come from immorality! Quite the reverse! Joy and pleasure arise only in honest hearts: the immoral lead unbelievably tragic lives filled with suffering and pain. The human virtues have little to do with gloominess. They are the bright face of life itself. 

Now what do you suppose would happen if one were to try to treat those around him with justness, loyalty, good sportsmanship, fairness, honesty, kindness, consideration, compassion, self-control, tolerance, forgivingness, benevolence, belief, respect, politeness, dignity, admiration, friendliness, love, and did it with integrity? 

It might take a while but don’t you suppose that many others would then begin to try to treat one the same way? 

Even allowing for the occasional lapses—the news that startles one half out of his wits, the burglar one has to bop on the head, the nut who is driving slow in the fast lane when one is late for work—it should be fairly visible that one would lift oneself to a new plane of human relations. One’s survival potential would be considerably raised. And certainly one’s life would be a happier one. 

One can influence the conduct of others around him. If one is not doing that already, it can be made much easier to do so by just picking one virtue a day and specializing in it for that day. Doing that, they would all eventually be in. 

Aside from personal benefit, one can take a hand, no matter how small, in beginning a new era for human relations. 

The pebble, dropped in a pool, can make ripples to the furthest shore. 

The way to happiness is made much brighter by applying the precept: “Try to treat others as you would want them to treat you.”

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Exercise

0. Make sure you have completed the exercise section at Happiness: Precept 19. Study the precept above.

1. Make sure that you understand each virtue by visualizing it.

(a) Can you imagine being treated justly?

(b) Can you imagine being treated with loyalty?

(c) Can you imagine being treated with good sportsmanship?

(d) Can you imagine being treated fairly?

(e) Can you imagine being treated honestly?

(f) Can you imagine being treated with kindness?

(g) Can you imagine being treated with consideration?

(h) Can you imagine being treated with compassion?

(i) Can you imagine being treated with self-control?

(j) Can you imagine being treated with tolerance?

(k) Can you imagine being treated with forgiveness?

(l) Can you imagine being treated benevolently?

(m) Can you imagine being treated with belief in you?

(n) Can you imagine being treated with respect?

(o) Can you imagine being treated politely?

(p) Can you imagine being treated with dignity?

(q) Can you imagine being treated with admiration?

(r) Can you imagine being treated with appreciation?

(s) Can you imagine being treated with friendliness?

(t) Can you imagine being treated with love?

(u) Can you imagine being treated with integrity?

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2. Further visualize each of the following.

(a) Can you imagine treating another and others justly?

(b) Can you imagine treating another and others with loyalty?

(c) Can you imagine treating another and others with good sportsmanship?

(d) Can you imagine treating another and others fairly?

(e) Can you imagine treating another and others honestly?

(f) Can you imagine treating another and others with kindness?

(g) Can you imagine treating another and others with consideration?

(h) Can you imagine treating another and others with compassion?

(i) Can you imagine treating another and others with self-control?

(j) Can you imagine treating another and others with tolerance?

(k) Can you imagine treating another and others with forgiveness?

(l) Can you imagine treating another and others benevolently?

(m) Can you imagine treating another and others with belief in you?

(n) Can you imagine treating another and others with respect?

(o) Can you imagine treating another and others politely?

(p) Can you imagine treating another and others with dignity?

(q) Can you imagine treating another and others with admiration?

(r) Can you imagine treating another and others with appreciation?

(s) Can you imagine treating another and others with friendliness?

(t) Can you imagine treating another and others with love?

(u) Can you imagine treating another and others with integrity?

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3 Go over each of the following questions repetitively, until there are no more answers: 

(a) “Do you have any reservations about trying to treat others as you would want them to treat you?”
(b) “Do you have any reservations about getting others to treat you the way they would want to be treated?”

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4. Review Precept 20 above.

Contemplate over the following question.

“Is there any conflict between trying to treat others as you would want them to treat you and any other ideas you have encountered?”

Handle any conflict with false data steps given at Happiness: Prologue.

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5. Go over each of the following questions repetitively, until there are no more answers: 

“Have you thought of any other transgressions of others against the precept: ‘Try to treat others as you would want them to treat you’?”
“Have you thought of any other transgressions of your own against the precept: ‘Try to treat others as you would want them to treat you’?”
“During these sessions have you thought of any withhold?”

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6. Consider this question:

“Do you have any feeling that you wouldn’t be yourself if you followed the precept: ‘Try to treat others as you would want them to treat you’?”

If this is not the case, go to the Step 7. Otherwise, ask yourself,

“Can you recall any person who felt the way you do about the precept: ‘Try to treat others as you would want them to treat you’?”

If no name comes up then go to step 7. if a name has come up, then continue with step 6 as follows:

“Can you recall an exact moment when you observed ___(name)___ transgressing this precept?”

If there is a realization, go to step 4. Otherwise, continue contemplating as follows, until there is some realization.

“Is there any time when you wanted to be like ___(name)___ ?” 
“Is there any time when you decided that not treating others as you would want them to treat you was a good thing?”
“Did you ever do anything bad to ___(name)___ ? (Get all possible answers)
“Are there any differences between ___(name)___ and yourself?”
“Are there any similarities between ___(name)___  and yourself?”

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7. Check over the following questions. and handle any anomalies that come up.

“Do you have any other considerations about trying to treat others as you would want them to treat you ?”
“Do you have any other considerations about others trying to treat others as they would like to be treated?”

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Reference: The Happiness Rundown

18. RESPECT THE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS OF OTHERS

Tolerance is a good cornerstone on which to build human relationships. 

When one views the slaughter and suffering caused by religious intolerance throughout all the history of Man and into modern times, one can see that intolerance is a very non-survival activity. 

Religious tolerance does not mean one cannot express his own beliefs. It does mean that seeking to undermine or attack the religious faith and beliefs of another has always been a short road to trouble. 

Philosophers since the time of ancient Greece have disputed with one another about the nature of God, Man and the universe. The opinions of authorities ebb and flow. Just now the philosophies of “mechanism” and “materialism”—dating as far back as Egypt and Greece are the fad: they seek to assert that all is matter and overlook that, neat as their explanations of evolution may be, they still do not rule out additional factors that might be at work, that might be merely using such things as evolution. They are, today, the “official” philosophies and are even taught in schools. They have their own zealots who attack the beliefs and religions of others: the result can be intolerance and contention. 

If all the brightest minds since the fifth century B.C or before have never been able to agree on the subject of religion or anti-religion, it is an arena of combat between people that one would do well to stay out of. 

In this sea of contention, one bright principle has emerged: the right to believe as one chooses. 

“Faith” and “belief” do not necessarily surrender to logic: they cannot even be declared to be illogical. They can be things quite apart. 

Any advice one might give another on this subject is safest when it simply asserts the right to believe as one chooses. One is at liberty to hold up his own beliefs for acceptance. One is at risk when he seeks to assault the beliefs of others, much more so when he attacks and seeks to harm others because of their religious convictions. 

Man, since the dawn of the species, has taken great consolation and joy in his religions. Even the “mechanist” and “materialist” of today sound much like the priests of old as they spread their dogma. 

Men without faith are a pretty sorry lot. They can even be given something to have faith in. But when they have religious beliefs, respect them. 

The way to happiness can become contentious when one fails to respect the religious beliefs of others.

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Exercise

0. Make sure you have completed the exercise section at Happiness: Precept 17-3. Study the precept above.

1. Check the responses to the following questions for false data (see false data steps at Happiness: Prologue).

(a) “Have you been told or taught not to respect the religious beliefs of others?”
(b) “Do you have any rules or ideas contrary to respecting the religious beliefs of others?”
(c) “Have you been led to believe that you shouldn’t respect the religious beliefs of others?”
(d) “Do you know of anything that conflicts with respecting the religious beliefs of others?”
(e) “Do you have any false data about respecting the religious beliefs of others?”

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2. Go over each of the following questions repetitively, until there are no more answers: 

(a) “How have others transgressed against the precept: ‘Respect the religious beliefs of others’?”
(b) “How have you transgressed against the precept: ‘Respect the religious beliefs of others’?”

Do a quick review to see if you did not miss any answers on this step. You should be feeling good about this step.

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3. See if the following question definitely brings up some name you know of:

“Is there any specific person in your past who really transgressed against the precept: ‘Respect the religious beliefs of others’?”

If no name comes up then go to step 4. if a name has come up, then continue with step 3 as follows:

“Can you recall an exact moment when you observed ___(name)___ transgressing this precept?”

If there is a realization, go to step 4. Otherwise, continue contemplating as follows, until there is some realization.

“Is there any time when you wanted to be like ___(name)___ ?” 
“Is there any time when you decided that not respecting the religious beliefs of others was a good thing?”
“Did you ever do anything bad to ___(name)___ ? (Get all possible answers)
“Are there any differences between ___(name)___ and yourself?”
“Are there any similarities between ___(name)___  and yourself?”

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4. Handle any anomalies that come up on the following question by looking at the anomaly more closely. 

”Do you have any reservations about respecting the religious beliefs of others?”

If the anomaly does not resolve then review the precept as well as all the exercise steps above to see if anything was missed. Then do step 4 again. When there is no anomaly go to step 5.

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5. Contemplate on the following question.

“Do you have any reservations about getting someone else to respect the religious beliefs of others?” 

If any reservation comes up, then consider the following: 

“How would that be a problem?” 

Get answers to this question until there are no reservations.

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