Here are some words of wisdom from St. Ferenc Francisco and his cohorts (rearranged in alphabetical order):
ABSOLUTISM
There is absolutely nothing but sh*t.
ATHEISM:
I don’t believe this sh*t!
BUDDHISM:
Whatever sh*t happens—don’t cling to it. Let it arise and pass away.
CAPITALISM:
Let us profit from sh*t happening.
CATHOLICISM:
If sh*t happens, you deserve it. Say 100 Hail Mary’s as penance.
CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY:
For only $99,999, we’ll clear you of all sh*t happening. Then you can experience David Miscaviage’s very special kind of sh*t.
CONVENTIONAL SAYING:
Sh*t happens.
CONFUCIANISM:
Kung-fu-tzu say: “sh*t happen.”
COURSE IN MIRACLES:
It’s your illusory ego that says sh*t is happening. So—you have a choice: Fear sh*t or Love sh*t.
DARWINISM:
Survival of the sh*ttiest.
EXISTENTIALISM:
Sh*t is a strange and absurd happening. The question is: to be, or not to be, sh*tty?
FEMINISM:
Men are sh*t.
FREUD AND HIS FOLLOWERS:
We are trying to determine whether “sh*t happens” expresses an “anal retentive” or “anal explosive” psychosexual fixation!
FUNDAMENTALISM:
If you don’t believe Jeeeesus, Satan will make terrible sh*t happen on you, arranged in the sign of the beast: 666.
FUNDAMENTAL SCIENTOLOGY
The slide down the dwindling spiral is lubricated by the sh*t you’ve created.
GEIR ISENE:
Placebo effect at a fundamental level is the mother of all sh*t.
GREEK DELPHIC ORACLE:
Know thy sh*t. (And Heraclitus warns: don’t step in it twice, even if it’s not exactly the same sh*t.)
HATHA YOGA:
Do not let sh*t happen when you are standing on your head!
HINDUISM:
This sh*t happened before.
ISLAM:
If sh*t happens, it is the Will of Allah! We pray that no more sh*t will happen, Inshallah! (God Willing)
JUDAISM:
Why does sh*t always happen to us?
KHTK:
Inconsistencies are the mother of all sh*t.
LIBERTARIANISM
My sh*t is my sh*t. Don’t step on it.
MAHAYANA BUDDHISM:
Emptiness = sh*t. Sh*t = emptiness.
NATIVE AMERICAN:
Our medicine power make lot of sh*t happen for white man.
NEGATIVISM
Everything goes to sh*t.
NEW AGE:
Repeat the affirmation: “I am sh*tless. I am so beautifully free of sh*t. Sh*t cannot happen to me!” (If it does happen, let’s use crystals on it and become prosperous in our abundance!)
NONDUAL VEDANTA:
This is all a dream. No sh*t ever really happened.
PATRIARCHALISM:
Women are sh*t.
PROTESTANTISM:
Let sh*t happen to someone else.
QUANTUM PHYSICS:
Sh*t happens but you cannot say both where and when.
RASTAFARIAN:
Sh*t happen, mon. Roll it up. Smoke it up!
SEVENTH DAY ADVENTISM:
Sh*t doesn’t happen on Saturday.
SHIRLEY MACLAINE-ISM:
In a past life, I made so much cosmic sh*t happen! (with all my chakras open!)
SOCIALISM:
If sh*t happens, let us distribute it equally.
SPIRITUALISM:
The spirit guides say: “Sh*t doth happen to us, too. This is why we channel so much of it through you.”
TAOISM:
Sh*t spontaneously happens of itself, soft, yielding, one with the Tao.
THE FINAL TRUTH:
And God sayeth unto them: “I like sh*t. Let there be sh*t.” And S/he saw that it was GOOD.
THE REALLY FINAL TRUTH:
When we realize Who We Really Are, then sh*t happens.
TIBETAN BUDDHISM:
Visualize tantric sh*t happening 100,000 times.
UFO CULTS:
I saw the Space Brothers make the most beautiful, interdimensional sh*t happen! (plentiful Pleiadian poop)
WICCA PAGANISM:
Sh*t is a sacred happening, an offering back to Mother Earth. Let’s make a magic circle of it.
ZEN BUDDHISM:
What is the sound of one sh*t happening? Where were you 1,000 years before the First Big Sh*t?
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