Reference: The Happiness Rundown
14. BE WORTHY OF TRUST
Unless one can have confidence in the reliability of those about one, he, himself, is at risk. When those he counts upon let him down, his own life can become disordered and even his own survival can be put at risk.
Mutual trust is the firmest building block in human relationships. Without it, the whole structure comes down.
Trustworthiness is a highly esteemed commodity. When one has it, one is considered valuable. When one has lost it, one may be considered worthless.
One should get others around one to demonstrate it and earn it. They will become much more valuable to themselves and others thereby.
14-1. Keep your word once given. When one gives an assurance or promise or makes a sworn intention, one must make it come true. If one says he is going to do something, he should do it. If he says he is not going to do something, he should not do it.
One’s regard for another is based, in no small degree, on whether or not the person keeps his or her word. Even parents, for instance, would be surprised at the extent they drop in the opinion of their children when a promise is not kept.
People who keep their word are trusted and admired. People who do not are regarded like garbage. Those who break their word often never get another chance.
A person who does not keep his word can soon find himself entangled and trapped in all manner of “guarantees” and “restrictions” and can even find himself shut off from normal relations with others. There is no more thorough self-exile from one’s fellows than to fail to keep one’s promises once made.
One should never permit another to give his or her word lightly. And one should insist that when a promise is made, it must be kept. One’s own life can become very disordered in trying to associate with people who do not keep their promises. It is not a casual matter.
The way to happiness is much, much easier to travel with people one can trust.
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Exercise
0. Make sure you have completed the exercise section at Happiness: Precept 13. Study the precept above.
1. Check the responses to the following questions for false data (see false data steps at Happiness: Prologue).
(a) “Have you been told or taught not to be worthy of trust?”
(b) “Do you have any rules or ideas contrary to being worthy of trust?”
(c) “Have you been led to believe that you shouldn’t be worthy of trust?”
(d) “Do you know of anything that conflicts with being worthy of trust?”
(e) “Do you have any false data about trustworthiness?”
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2. Go over each of the following questions repetitively, until there are no more answers:
(a) “How have others transgressed against the precept: ‘Be worthy of trust’?”
(b) “How have you transgressed against the precept: ‘Be worthy of trust’?”
Do a quick review to see if you did not miss any answers on this step. You should be feeling good about this step.
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3. See if the following question definitely brings up some name you know of:
“Is there any specific person in your past who really transgressed against the precept: ‘Be worthy of trust’?”
If no name comes up then go to step 4. if a name has come up, then continue with step 3 as follows:
“Can you recall an exact moment when you observed ___(name)___ transgressing this precept?”
If there is a realization, go to step 4. Otherwise, continue contemplating as follows, until there is some realization.
“Is there any time when you wanted to be like ___(name)___ ?”
“Is there any time when you decided that not being trustworthy was a good thing?”
“Did you ever do anything bad to ___(name)___ ? (Get all possible answers)
“Are there any differences between ___(name)___ and yourself?”
“Are there any similarities between ___(name)___ and yourself?”
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4. Handle any anomalies that come up on the following question by looking at the anomaly more closely.
”Do you have any reservations about being worthy of trust?”
If the anomaly does not resolve then review the precept as well as all the exercise steps above to see if anything was missed. Then do step 4 again. When there is no anomaly go to step 5.
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5. Contemplate on the following question.
“Do you have any reservations about getting someone else to be worthy of trust?”
If any reservation comes up, then consider the following:
“How would that be a problem?”
Get answers to this question until there are no reservations.
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