October 3, 2013: This essay has been superseded by: Helping Somebody in Need
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All of us encounter situations when somebody is really hurting and our heart goes out to them. We wonder how we can help them most optimally. Here are some of my thoughts on this subject.
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Assess your own ability to help. Extend your help only when you sincerely feel that you can help that person.
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As your first action, get into a sincere communication with the person. Be a good listener. Listen carefully to what the person is telling you, without interrupting. Acknowledge appropriately so the person knows he or she is being listened to.
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Do not offer any advice. Do not comment on what the person is telling you. If the person asks for advice simply provide him with your honest experience in a similar area, but also tell him that it may or may not apply to his or her situation.
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If the person asks any questions then answer as honestly as you can in a manner, which encourages the person to look more closely at his or her situation.
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Introduce the person to KHTK principles. Explain that resolution comes rapidly when one looks non-judgmentally and without resistance, with enough patience.
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Set up a time and place, and go over the following issues with the person: MINDFULNESS and MORE ON MINDFULNESS.
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Have the person start with KHTK EXERCISE SET 1. Let him/her first look with eyes open, and then continue looking with eyes closed. Be there with the person to answer any questions.
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Please note that the contents of what one looks at are individual and private to the person. These contents need not be discussed except in broad terms. What may be discussed are the mechanics of Looking, and any questions that arise during the process of Looking.
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When listening to a question, notice the area that the person has attention on and the “inconsistency” indicated by the question. You may gently discuss the question to flush out the inconsistency if not clear. You may ask, “Is there something that does not make sense, or seems a bit off?”
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As you discuss, have the person take time to look at the “inconsistency” using KHTK principles. Do not suggest anything. Never ask for any details. Let the person determine what to tell you.
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When the inconsistency becomes obvious to the person, he or she will become calm. His or her attention will be freed up from that area under question. Realize at that point that you have helped the person.
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Let the person decide whether to continue or to end that practice session. Be there to support him/her as long as needed.
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Encourage the person to read up on all KHTK issues. The person may now practice “Looking” on his/her own. Assist him/her, as needed, with future practice sessions as laid out above.
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